Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
