oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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