i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize