Someone shit on the floor
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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