I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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