I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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