it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize