My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
