Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
