so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
