And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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