Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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