Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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