i already hear my dad disowning me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
