Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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