I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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