Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
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Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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