yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
