guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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