There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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