The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
