Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
