I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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