the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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