If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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