My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
