HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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