Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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