while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
ttyl tear gas
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
