i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
