just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
