so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
