My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i came on her dog
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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