I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hippo gnu deer
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
