I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize