I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's blow job season.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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