You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
