Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
