i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
