I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you never un-have a 4some
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
