i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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