Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
