Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
