that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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