You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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