Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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