get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
