He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
