the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
