I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
