I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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