Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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