im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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