Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
