1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
