i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
