i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he puts the penis in happiness.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
