i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
