omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
