dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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