she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We just shotgunned beers for America
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You can't just leave with hair like that
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
