At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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