she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
