whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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