i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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