I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
