There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
