just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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