what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
