It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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