he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
