just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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